Sardine
EXT. MORTISON & MORTISON FUNERAL DIRECTORS - DAY
The sun shines. A hearse is parked directly infront of the building. Both FREDERICK and GEORGE MORTISON have just got into the car. GENTLE CLICK, the car door closes. George adjusts his eyeglasses puts a cigarette into his mouth and looks at Frederick. Frederick pulls a lighter from his pocket and lights it up. They both smile and look ahead. The engine starts.
FADE TO BLACK
EXT. WOODLAND AREA - DAY
The hearse pulls up infront of a small, old, 2 berth caravan.
INT. CARAVAN - DAY
A Bulbus fat white mass fills the view. Slowly George's eyes come into view, he pears down at the fat dead body of MR NUMBUS infront of him and then back to the tiny caravan door behind him. His eyes swing between Mr Numbus and the door several times. Frederick appears at the door and nods questioningly at George. George checks his watch and shakes his head.
EXT. OUTSIDE CARAVAN - DAY
THUD. A heavy bag drops on the grass.
INT. CARAVAN - DAY
TAP. A small leather case is gently placed on a wooden surface.
EXT. OUTSIDE CARAVAN - DAY
An angle grinder is snatched from the bag.
INT. CARAVAN - DAY
A small powder brush is gently taken out of the case.
EXT. OUTSIDE CARAVAN - DAY
Frederick places a ladder against the caravan.
INT. CARAVAN - DAY
George eases the magnifying monical attachment over his right lens of his eyeglasses. His eyeball enlarges to fill the lense. He licks his finger and reaches down. Mr Numbus' face is distorted, his tongue flopped to one side of his mouth, his skin grey, his lips black and mishappen. George's finger gently moves Mr Numbus' left eye so it lines up with his right. George starts powdering Mr Numbus' face.
BUZZING and GRINDING noises are outside. George looks up. He then turns his attention to applying lipstick to Mr Numbus' black lips.
EXT. OUTSIDE CARAVAN - DAY
Frederick, standing on ladder, starts to push the angle grinder into the caravan roof. WHIRRRR BUZZZ SPARK FIZZ JUDDER. The caravan violently vibrates.
INT. CARAVAN - DAY
Mr Numbus' face vibrates violently. George's carefully applied lipstick zig-zags across the now powdered face.
GEORGE
(Frustration)
Grrr.
EXT. OUTSIDE CARAVAN - DAY
WHIRRRR BUZZZ SPARK FIZZ JUDDER. George waves his arms furiously at Frederick. Frederick turns the angle grinder off and looks at George.
INT. CARAVAN - DAY
SAWING can be heard. George smiles to himself as he admires his work. Mr Numbus' face is now looking a bright pink colour. Lipstick is perfect. Eyes are straight. He starts to combe Mr Numbus' hair. RUCHGHGHGHGHGHGH. The saw rips through the ceiling of the caravan and tears into Mr Numbus' fresh pink cheek.
GEORGE
(Frustration)
GRRRRRRRRRRRRR.
EXT. CARAVAN - DAY
George frantically runs past Frederick, who is fiercely sawing away up the ladder, knocking the bottom of the ladder as he goes. Frederick wobbles and loses his balance. He lands on the floor. He brings his hand up to reveal a broken saw.
FREDERICK
(Frustration)
GRRRRRRRRRRRRR.
He checks his watch.
INT. CAR - DAY
George finds the tube of 'Super Super Face Glue - for dead people'.
INT. CARAVAN - DAY
BANGING can be heard outside. George starts to apply glue to Mr Numbus' cheek.
EXT. CARAVAN - DAY
A boat anchor is thrust into the roof.
INT. CARAVAN - DAY
George looks up confused.
EXT. CAR - DAY
Frederick is at the wheel revving the engine.
INT. CARAVAN - DAY
Carvan begins to tip. George panics as he finds his hand stuck to Mr Numbus' face.
EXT. CARAVAN - DAY
Caravan tips over. CRASH
GEORGE
Awwwww
FADE TO BLACK
EXT. GRAVE YARD - NIGHT
Out of the sky the caravan is lowered towards the open grave. Frederick and George are below. Frederick is waving the caravan down. Mr Numbus' relatives look on sobbing. George's clothes are tattered and torn. His hands are hidden behind his back. He wriggles his fingers trying to remove the clump of hair superglued to his hands.
PING. Crane rope snaps. Caravan falls. CRASH
CUT TO BLACK.
It's possible the rope snap and caravan falling isn't necassary in the end.
ReplyDeleteAlso The Ladder needs to be put against the Caravan, then the angle grinder being pulled out.
Also apllies to the Monical needs to be moved into position the the brush being pulled.
That means in that sequence the last thing to happen to each character is the tool being readied.
Hey Justin - I think your revisions here are rather lovely - the ways in which the respective characters are sketched in - and the comedy that ensues; the only thing I'd suggest is that 'the comb into the cheek' is a bit too grim somehow for the overall tone of the story. I'd suggest that it could simply be that undertaker is combing Mr Numbus's hair into a rather wonderful quiff, when the disturbance causes the whole thing to collapse etc. Essentially, however, you should just get on and enjoy yourself; and what's clear about the way you've written this new treatment is that you're already seeing it in an 'edited' way - I get a strong sense of the 'cut' here, and a certain economy of story-telling. Very encouraging, Justin - so go mad for this now; make sure you check out all the conventions for presenting your characters etc. I want you to think too about the style of the animation as a whole - when is it, where is it etc. Have fun with this! :D
ReplyDelete